Jesus and the Samaritan Woman

Nor did the Samaritans escape their share of misfortunes at this time, for they assembled themselves together upon a mountain called Gerizzim, which is with them a holy mountain, and there they remained; which collection of theirs, as well as the courageous minds they showed, could not but threaten somewhat of war; nor were they rendered wiser by the miseries that had come upon their neighboring cities… Vespasian therefore thought it best to prevent their motions, and to cut off the foundation of their attempts. For although all Samaria had ever garrisons settled among them, yet did the number of those that were come to Mount Gerizzim, and their conspiracy together, give ground for fear what they would be at… so he encompassed all the lower part of the mountain with his army, and watched them all that day. Now it happened that the Samaritans, who were now destitute of water, were inflamed with a violent heat, (for it was summer time, and the multitude had not provided themselves with necessaries,) insomuch that some of them died that very day with heat… those which still staid there were very much broken {into crumbs;} by their misfortunes. So he went up to the mountain, and… exhorted them to take the security of his right hand, and come to terms with him, and thereby save themselves; and assured them, that if they would lay down their arms, he would secure them from any harm; but when he could not prevail with them, he fell upon them and slew them all, being in number eleven thousand and six hundred… And these were the calamities that befell the Samaritans at this time.”

– Josephus, Wars of the Jews, Book 3, 7:32

“…He adds another Grecian fable, in order to reproach us…”

– Flavius Josephus Against Apion, Book 2 :8

“When therefore the Lord knew how the Pharisees had heard that Jesus made and baptized more disciples than John, (Though Jesus himself baptized not, but his disciples,) {he, he;} He left Judaea, and departed again into Galilee. And he must needs go through Samaria. Then cometh he to a city of Samaria, which is called Sychar, near to the parcel of ground that Jacob gave to his son Joseph. Now Jacob’s well was there {Jacob’s well is on Mount Gerizzim;}. Jesus therefore, being wearied with his journey, sat thus on the well: and it was about the sixth hour. There cometh a woman of Samaria to draw water: Jesus saith unto her, Give me to drink. (For his disciples were gone away unto the city to buy meat.) Then saith the woman of Samaria unto him, How is it that thou, being a Jew, askest drink of me, which am a woman of Samaria? for the Jews have no dealings with the Samaritans. Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water… Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again: But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life. The woman saith unto him, Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not… The woman saith unto him, Sir, I perceive that thou art a prophet. Our fathers worshipped in this mountain; and ye say, that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship. Jesus saith unto her, Woman, believe me, the hour cometh, when ye shall neither in this mountain, nor yet at Jerusalem, worship the Father {because you’ll all be dead in exactly forty years, heh, heh ;}… the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit {in their death, they glorify the God of Rome;} and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him… The woman saith unto him, I know that Messias cometh, which is called Christ: when he is come, he will tell us all things. Jesus saith unto her, I that speak unto thee am he.”

John 4:1-26

This example is objectively very ironic, since Jesus tells the thirsty Samaritan woman that the day will come when she won’t want to worship on this mountain or in Jerusalem and she seems to be oblivious to the fact that 11,000 thirsty Samaritans will be slaughtered on that mountain together with a million people in Jerusalem in about 40 years (one generation) in Jesus’ second coming which he is prophesying about all over Israel.  Remember the definition of irony: “a literary technique, originally used in Greek tragedy, by which the full significance of a character’s words or actions is clear to the audience or reader although unknown to the character.”

“…Now this Hermippus… speaks thus: “That Pythagoras… affirmed that this man’s soul conversed with him both night and day, and enjoined him… not to drink of such waters as caused thirst again…” After which he adds thus: “This he did and said in imitation of the doctrines of the Jews…” For it is very truly affirmed of this Pythagoras, that he took a great many of the laws of the Jews into his own philosophy…”

– Flavius Josephus Against Apion, Book 1, 1:22

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